A police officer pulls over a semi truck. He gets the usual license and registration, but hears strange noises coming from the trailer, so he decides to investigate. Inside, he finds 50 penguins.
“Sir, why do you have 50 penguins in your truck?” The officer asks the driver
“Well, they’re my friends, and we like to go on journeys together in my truck” the man replies
“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t just own 50 penguins. I’m afraid you’re going to have to take them to the zoo”
The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same cop pulls the truck over again, and once again hears strange noises in the trailer. He goes to check and finds the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday!” The cop angrily tells the driver
“I did take them to the zoo! They loved it! Today we’re going to the beach”
An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.
The next day, the Irishman returns, orders another two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.
He continues to do this for some time, when one day the bartender questions him, “How come you always order exactly two shots?”
The Irishman replies, “well, you see my brother and I used to go out drinking every night, but he lives across the country now, so every night, I order two drinks. One for myself, and one for my brother.”
Things remain the same for a while until one day the Irishman comes in and orders only one shot. The bartender becomes concerned and asks him “how come you’re only ordering one shot? Did something happen to your brother? Is he ok?”
The Irishman replies, “of course not, my brother’s fine. I just quit drinking”
I don’t always tell dad jokes, but when I do he laughs.
I was driving down the road and saw a hitchhiker. Being in a generous mood, I decided I’d give him a ride. After I picked him up and we started on down the road, he was very thankful, but said “you aren’t scared that I could be a serial killer or something?” So I chuckled, looked at him and said “the chances that we are both serial killers is probably pretty low, don’t you think?”
How do trees get on the Internet?
They log in.
What do computers like to eat?
Chips.
What do you call a space magician?
A flying saucerer.
What is a computer’s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Instead of Da-da it says “Da-ta.”
What is an astronaut’s favorite control on the computer keyboard?
The space bar.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
How does a boy cell phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gives her a ring, of course.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
Q: Why did the cell phone get glasses?
A: Because she lost all her contacts.
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up